Stories, Not Standards
If at first you don’t succeed, try again

working at a ice cream place, i told a girl i was doing a phone survey so she had to give me her number. she did, and i called. she thought i was funny (basically DTF). so we set up a in person “meeting” that night. brought her to my buddies place (where i was staying) and started going to work. this chick was a gymnast and had a clit piercing. i was giving it to her, then all of a sudden guilt musta crept in (had a gf at the time) and i suddenly went limp. she freaked and thought she wasnt good enough.

next day told my gf i cheated. she broke up with me. first thing i did was call the other girl, told her to come over. railed her. sent her on her way. girl thought i was gunna gf her up…she was wrong. SNS

CUM IN THE FACE

Drunken night, girl started dry humping the shit out of my dick, built up semen in my balls, fall asleep, wake back up, girl starts to jerk me off and about 15 minutes later all of a sudden i feel the urge to cum, both of us not expecting it, jizz in her hair/face and on my own face and shirt. FUCK. SNS

This Blog is Male Dominated

I was fucking this guy and he wanted me to stick my fingers in his butthole. Fuck that shit. Literally. HEEEYYY OOOOOH. I didn’t do it. I guess that means I have standards. Sorry. SNS

Doesn’t Get Better With Age

so i used to work at this restaurant and would get my fair share of looks my way. One girl/woman would come in frequently and give me “the eye” and basically i knew she was in the bag with alil effort.  we went a couple times, nothing big (remembrer if ur trying to just get some, dont do anything too extravagant) and we ended up back at her place…only she lived with her parents at age 31, so we just hopped in her dads SUV.  

got in the back seat and she started to slurp me.  this was probably the worst bj i’ve ever received in my life so i moved on to getting it in.  you could tell this girl hadnt gotten any in awhile…(im guessing years) cuz she was sensitive to everything to where she was convulsing and ended up jerking forward and hitting me in the face…(super annoying)…so i flipped her on her back and began to thrust until i came then gave her the deuces. 

she asked what i liked and didnt like, i didnt wanna break the girls heart but i had to tell her that she basically destroyed my member with her teeth and it was very unenjoyable (reason why? to get her to try again without me doing anything for her)

as she tried to make it up, again she was bad, but did use less teeth. i told her i was going to come, she said she’d swallow, i said i was down so i blew my load in her mouth…except it didnt go in her mouth because she gagged and spit up up on me while i continued to come…immediately i said

me: WTF ARE YOU DOING??!!

Girl: im so sorry i didnt think it’d hit the back of my throat so hard…

me: its all over my dick, clean this shit up.

Girl: im sorry, i will…if it makes  you feel better its all on my face and hair too…

me: ha. better there than on me. clean this up.

she reached into her dads glove box, found napkins. cleaned me up. I tucked the used napkins in the drink holder…she text me the next day saying her dad found the napkins and asked what happened…she was pissed at me…i never talked to her again.

DO IT RIGHT NEXT TIME. i gave you two chances. you sucked (pun sorta intended) both times. bahahah.  SNS

Bloody Mary

One time I fucked a girl while she was on her period. There was blood everywhere. It looked like I murdered someone with my cock. SNS

wut.

This girl was all over my friends balls, and he was so certain that he could score he accepted a challenge from his housemate. The goal was to convince her that he had psychological issues that he was consulting a doctor about to where he couldn’t get off unless he put a paper bag over the girls head while they were having sex.

I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen the video. (In which, he asks “is that paper bag comfortable?”)

Oh, he also ate 4 cloves of garlic and didn’t wash his balls after a 3 hour basketball sesh, prior to the sexytime.  SNS

Sharing Is Caring!

I was about to get it on but didn’t have a condom. The girl didn’t want me to go raw dog so while she was in the bathroom I went through the trash and found my roommate’s used condom. I used it. SNS

KIDS BOP

One time i convinced a girl that I was only able to fuck with Kids Bop 18 playing in the background… so we turned it on. SNS

Not proud…

One time a girl literally shit on me while we were fucking. I waited to finish before cleaning up SNS

kind of want?

Not a specific story, really. But I’ve hooked up with well over 50 girls. I would say its probably in the triple digits, but embarassingly, I have no clue. Luckily, I have no std’s at all. Also, I kick ass in bed from all the practice. I just wish I wasn’t such a whore so I could remember them all… SNS